September 8, 2006 | Posted in: Leading Hartfully, Living Hartfully
Here you go, the final installment of how to torment your team members. Be sure you read this in the mirror so you know that if you do everything backwards that this article says, then you should be successful at creating a motivating and meaningful environment for yourself and your team.
41. Have all the answers ready for them so they don’t waste their time and brain power figuring it out themselves. They can be more efficient if they aren’t testing new solutions and just do it the way you said it should be done and trust that your answer is the only right answer.
42. Don’t compliment their work. It can only lead to over-inflated egos and you certainly don’t want another peacock strutting around fluffing their feathers thinking they’re better than anybody else. That’s why you’re there- to show them that none of them are heads above the rest.
43. Take care of your own career and reputation before those of your colleagues. Be the one to kiss up to all those above you, emulate them and talk trash about your teammates so you look better in the eyes of your boss.
44. Act more privileged than your employees, after all, you’re a manager that is above them- you’ve earned it. Come in late, leave early and take your fair share of longer lunch breaks. Show them your importance by letting them know you’ve got other things to do and people to see.
45. Let it be known just how busy you are by constantly checking your cell phone or Blackberry during meetings, interviews or over lunch. Show others that you can multi-task with the best of them- there’s no need to lose productivity by focusing on just one person at a time.
46. Hire insecure people so you can easily manage by intimidation and through your tone of voice and snide comments. They will just be grateful to have a job at all- remind them that their paycheck is their reward.
47. Just for fun, use all the industry acronyms you can think of during the first days of orientation. Play practical jokes on the new hire for your version of disorientation just to see how their sense of humor will fare in your work environment.
48. Proceed to tell the new recruits the background stories, gossip and history of everybody on your team to get them up to speed on their co-workers. You will save them the hassle of getting to know people and making their own informed decisions.
49. If you need to discipline a co-worker, do it in front of the whole team. That way, it will give everybody an idea of what you don’t want and will save you the effort of disciplining others who may have been thinking of doing the same thing. Getting everything in the open shows a sense of family.
50. Have a suggestion box, use comment cards, solicit input and feedback, then do nothing to carry out the comments and pay no attention to complaints.
51. Employ the one strike and you’re out mentality. It lets them know you mean business. No second chances for first impressions. Do it right the first time or don’t do it at all. No sense in encouraging experimentation, we’ve been doing it one way for years and it hasn’t been half bad.
So there you have it: fifty-one ways to ditch your X (or your Y) generations in the workplace. Fifty-one because you should always give a little more than expected and over-deliver what you promised you would provide. If you implement these fiftyone items, you will certainly be dubbed a tormentor who infects the workplace rather than a mentor who affects the workplace.
Being mindful of how not to manage can be just as affective as being aware of how to manage. If you should hear the words “micromanager” being uttered as you walk by, know that it is not a term of endearment and take heed. Read through this list again and see if any of these nifty fifty (one) items sound familiar. Then do what you must to turn it around, or else you will watch your new recruits turn around and head out the door. One last sobering thought, if you think you can just replace those who do walk… it costs one to three times an average salary to replace an employee, not to mention the downtime, stress and team development curve. Pay attention to your people and it will pay off.
To Your FUNominal Success!
Gail
Gaia Hart
As the CEO (Chief Energizing Officer) at Hartful Living including GaiaHart.com and BizBuilderCards.com; I’m a Messenger and Mentor for women entrepreneurs, connecting them to their capacity to energize their work and their lives in the art of living Hartfully. At BizBuilderCards.com, you can make a living through giving with greeting cards and gifts to build your network net worth as an additive to your current business or an easy way to send gratitude and kindness to the world.
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